What do I miss from before I was a dad? Interesting question, one that I’m not sure I can answer completely, I mean becoming a dad has enhanced my entire life so is there anything prior, to even miss?
You see, I became a dad at 26 years-old, so I had already gotten all of the young mans antics out of my system. I had done all of the partying and all of the running around playing life with no responsibilities. I had always imagined that 25 would be the age in which I’d start settling down, relationship and career wise.
I met Donetta at 25 and instantly knew that this would be it, maybe not as quickly as it then happened, but I knew that I’d marry her and kids would naturally follow. Donetta came nicely packaged with our 2 girls, so all that was left to do was add our boy, which we did almost a year to the day after meeting. So in 1 year I went from single, no ties, no responsibility to full blown dad of 3!
My life changed so drastically in such a short time, I’ve never really had a chance to look back and ponder over what I miss:
- Spending all of my money on myself.
- Going wherever I want, whenever I want.
- Having to debate with only myself over what I should watch on TV or eat for tea.
You see, I have to look back to before I met my wife because we’ve never been together as a couple without children. Maybe I’d of missed going out together without having to find a babysitter, booking last minute holidays or the extra money to spend on each other exclusively.
My mindset is that everything pre-dad was a learning period. It was also a period in which I look back on and remember the feeling of having no purpose and no direction, becoming a dad has given me these things. Thinking of a life where it was only Donetta and I, well we will have plenty of time for that once our children are grown up and thinking of a life where I met Donetta and she didn’t already have the girls is ludicrous, she wouldn’t have been the same Donetta.
Now I don’t want to sound like I didn’t have a good life, a great life even, before becoming a dad because I did. I have many memories to think back on and people can live fulfilling lives without children and once I’d reached my early 20’s there was a period in which I tried to change my mind set to think I would be a single bachelor forever, but deep down I personally always felt a void.
This isn’t the case for everyone but for me something that has now been confirmed is that I was born to be a dad, it’s just what I do best.
Every few months do I feel like I just need a day, a morning even to just rest or take a walk (Or drive, I’m lazy)
Now and again, do I make sure we both get away for even just a night without the kids?
Do I do this because I miss having these moments like I had in the pre-dad years?
I do this because parenting is physically and mentally exhausting & damn tiring.
My interpretation of ‘missing’ something is when you really want that something back. I don’t want back the freedom of deciding what is for tea everyday, what’s on TV, what to waste my money on next or going out when and where I want to. I want to share these decisions with little people that give you the most interesting answers when you ask them what they’d like for tea, banana and spaghetti hoops for example.
I want to be needed and depended on to be in certain places at specific times. Sure I enjoy buying myself nice new gadgets but have you seen the look on a childs face when they get that toy they’ve not shut up about for the last week, 24/7.
Becoming a dad has defined me, given me purpose and direction. So what do I miss most now I’m a dad? Nothing.
What about you? Do you miss anything? Leave a comment and let me know.
Thank-You for reading, you can see more from me at https://dadvworld.com/